You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
