I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
