dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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