The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
