That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
