so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
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He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
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also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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