hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
