you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize