is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
