How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
