I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
