dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
