so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
