I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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