there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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