He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
