Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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