so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
