dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
