You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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