I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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