when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
