so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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