"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
