yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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