first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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