I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
