Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
