Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
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