you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Life is so much better after having sex.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
