i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
