She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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