I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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