I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
