There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
