Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Your penis caused this!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
