Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
