He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
