did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
