I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
