Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
