you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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