some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
