you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
