the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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