But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
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Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize