Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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