Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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