when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
