You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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