so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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