the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Randomize
