I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
