i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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