he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
