that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
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