There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
