sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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