I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
