Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
