either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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