my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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