Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
