I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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