New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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