those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
