I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
