**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
