I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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