Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
