next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
