i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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