thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
