im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
