I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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