You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
