i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
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